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Last night was D's Celebration Of Life. In all technicality, it was not a memorial. He had said he did not want a memorial, he wanted a party. And a party is what he got. The official headcount for the official event was 381 people who between the totality donated $5000 to help cover the costs of his cremation. People sang songs, read poems and quotes and memories, drank, and cried. There were drag queens galore. The club where the event was held was packed.

After the official event, nearly everyone shuttled over to Downtown Olly's, the local gay sports bar, to celebrate his life in karaoke form. There was much more singing and crying and CLAPPING, LOVING, DRINKING, he always encouraged all of us to do during every show he hosted. More money was donated, though I don't know the official count there. I sang "I'm On A Boat", which he always said was his second favourite love song, and which he always loved for me to sing. The last song of the night was "Why Don't You And I," sung by our mutual friend Jen. She explained that he used to sing it to her all the time when they were dating. The lyrics are oddly appropriate for all of us now. All that aside, a couple weeks ago I accidentally nicknamed D "cloudpuppy," and the song Jen sang had a couple lines in it which, when keeping the nickname in mind, caused me to break down. You can look up the lyrics if you are curious. Suffice to say, I wish I could believe in an afterlife, because then I could consider what happened to be some sort of sign of communication from him.

Also, I put the set of dice that I was going to give him for Christmas into a pouch which I have been wearing around my neck. I have discovered that if I grasp it just right and close my eyes, it feels remarkably like I am holding his hand again.


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